Return to Magic

... journey to the centre of the self ...

As a young girl, I devoured Enid Blyton adventure books, where extraordinary things would happen to a group of ‘ordinary’ children, always turning out OK in the end. She also wrote some magical tales, and one that sticks in my memory is The Wishing Chair, where an old chair is found amongst the junk in a shed and the lucky child discovers that if they make a wish when they’re sitting on it, the wish comes true. I loved that story. I’m sure it wasn’t the first magical story I heard, but clearly it made a big impression, perhaps because of the ‘doorway’ it offered into magical realms.

After Enid Blyton came C S Lewis with the Narnia books. I read all of them more than once, and then The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings, and a whole load more of Tolkien’s more obscure and slightly obsessive chronicles of Middle Earth. Ursula Le Guin’s Wizard of Earthsea lured me deeper into Fantasy and then my brother’s Conan books took me into Sword and Sorcery, and eventually his deeply surreal and psychedelic Michael Moorcock books as well. Science Fiction and Fantasy were my staple reads for a couple of decades after that.

These books described worlds I felt more at home in than my own. As a teenager in seventies Britain, I felt oppressed by the greyness of this world compared to the passion, adventure and myriad possibilities in these fictional realms. I kept wishing for a magical event to whisk me off through a portal and into a life that would seem more real, more vivid. Sadly, none of the chairs I wished on, worked 😉

When I stopped smoking in my late thirties, I also gave up reading fantasy. I let go of the notion that life contained magic, I decided I’d better grow up properly and focus fully on earning a living and making a proper home and other grown up things like that. And … coincidence? … or not? … I plunged into a decade-long depression.

When I worked my way out of that - another story - as I opened myself up to possibility again, as I searched for meaning, I found myself discovering that Life does indeed hold much that is magic. On each step of this journey, first in self development, and then into spirituality - and then interlinked, as I now see they must be - I have discovered more that is magical and found myself able to fall in love with this world after all.

My experience of this life is based on my perceptions. My perceptions shift as I take on new information. More than that, my perceptions shift, my perspectives shift, my whole being shifts, as I have new experiences. It has become apparent to me (and of course given to me from many different spiritual teachers) that this journey - which began as a quest to get myself out of depression and live a happier life - is an inward one, leading eventually to a Self I had no idea was ‘hiding’ deep inside me. Deep deep deep in inner space. I believe now that this is universal. The details of the journey vary enormously. The Self we eventually uncover is the same.  

This blog is a Self-indulgent sharing of musings on that journey, peppered with fictional stories and vignettes that reflect moods and stages and transformations along the way. I’m told that this journey never ends, and I can believe it. It’s the Absolute Eternal Adventure.

The order of things in this blog is not linear. The journey is not linear, we flit about, like butterflies seeking nectar on a windy day. None of it is fixed. Past and future both are maleable, altered by the quality of the attention we give them in our present. The underlying nature of  our reality, the realm of potential that we draw from, is in constant flux, with tides and currents and whirls ready to carry us to new possibilities.  

I’m delighted that you’re taking a little side-trip to peruse some accounts of mine. You’re so very welcome here. My hope is that it will be entertaining and perhaps in places useful too, and I’d love to hear any musings of yours stimulated by anything you read here. You can find me on MeWe and Facebook.

Happy Daze
Lots of Love
Jan
xox

Collected Musings

Fiction, early morning ramblings, dreams, inner journeys, beginnings of novels, poems, and anything else that nudges itself into the frame - all here in a vast cauldron of experimentation 🙂

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